My Goodbye Note To You
by OnlyTimeCanTellMeWhatICanWrite
Summary: A simple goodbye note from Quinn to Rachel. Sorry for any misspelling or messed up grammar.


I know you told me to leave you alone, and I'm sorry that I'm annoying for probably one last time. Honestly I have no idea how this is going to go. But I want you to hear me out.

First let me start off at the beginning of all this, from the day you called me. God that was such a hard night for me. You told me to say "I don't love you any more", and you would leave me alone. The thing was, I still did love you. I still wanted so bad that day to tell you, and I wanted to try everything in my will power to fix it. To fix us, but I was so mad. So upset about everything that I let that get the better of me. I cried so hard, and at the same time I felt us falling apart. I felt like one of use was letting go. I'm not sure who, but it was there. No matter how much I held on to you it felt like oil was on our hands. It happened so fast that neither of us could stop what was happening.

Second, I thought if I talk to other girls the pain would go away. The hurt, the lost. Everything. For a moment it did. For a while I was happy. Thing though, was my mind kept going back to you. I kept thinking about you, asking about you, dreaming about you. There was so many times were I thought about texting you and calling. Asking you "How are you doing?" or sending you smiles. There wasn't a day lost were my mind ran away towards you. Every day I thought about you. Every day my thoughts went to how we met, and our first date. Our first time. Our first everything. It went though our first fights and play fights. And everything. Went though it all.

Third, everything started crashing around me. I couldn't sleep much. I couldn't eat much either. My body went numb. My emotions that I bottled up so much from the start, started to over flow. I slowly but surely stared to become crazy. I know I did. My thoughts didn't match up any more with thinking. So I started doing things, and when I ask you to go off campus with you damn it, it felt great. I'm not sure if you agree with me, but it felt amazing. Though too much temptation. I wanted so badly to grab your hand. So badly to lean over to kiss. When you force me to take a sip of coffee, it was the best thing I thought we were getting back on track. When we were walking to the locker room I stop. I stop, because I knew I would do something stupid. It ran through my mind the whole day. It still runs through my mind. What would have happen if I ask for a hug, or just went for a kiss. Would I have gotten a no or a slap? I will never know. Then I never heard from you. To me, I thought we were getting better. Thought if I couldn't have you as my girlfriend, than fine, my I have you as my friend? It wasn't until you text me to go off again that I knew you were using me. It hurt so fuckin' much. But I said yes, because I know it would make you happy. It killed me inside though. The bubbly feeling of wanting to hold your hand. To kiss you, but I had my will power. What was left of it any ways. I had it. Then you ask, "Aren't you talking to some girl?" and I lied. I told you yes, and the truth was, I wasn't talking to no one. I ask you about Finn, and you lied, and it hit me. A pulse that I could hear so loud in my ears. A ringing that just wouldn't shut up and it happen. I lost you that day. Every hope I had to trying to fix us. Every feeling of wanting to hold your hand and kissing you, lost. Everything that I tried so hard to control, and keep calm, I lost it, because I lost you.

Fourth, it happened so fast the down ward fall. I couldn't stop myself from tripping into the black hole of my emotions, and I couldn't pin point everything. One moment I felt happy, great, I wanted to talk to you. The next, I was depressed, felt like killing myself. I know how to drive and you can be surprise how easy it is to turn the wheel slightly and end up in a car wreck. At times I was mad. Mad at different things, because I missed you, because you were happy, and I wasn't the on doing that Finn was, because you won't talk to me anymore, and my confusion grew from there.

Finally, I completely lost it. I want to talk I want you back. I love you and I miss you. None of those things matter any. None of my feelings are worriment to you. I can feel myself though sinking further and further away from my normal human being of state of mind. Thoughts jump all around. Depression set in, and the thoughts of not being here keeps sounding better and better. Though I would never do it, I can always think it. I feel myself going crazy, and going back to how I use to be. A quiet freak that no one pays any looks to besides making fun of them. I'm starting to feel my anger boil, and once again I'm sorry for everything.

Honestly I felt like this was the only way to reach out to you one last time. I know that my words aren't great when I actually say them from my mouth, but on paper it's different. I know I'm probably not going to get a reply back. I'll be okay with that. As I said, I wish nothing but happiness for you. No matter what it is or who it's with. I'm sorry I couldn't treat you like a princess like you should have been treated. I'm sorry for everything else, but I'm not sorry that I fell in love with you. That I did my first with you with almost everything.

I love you Rachel.

P.S. I remembered you ask me what the big deal about prom was, and I have an answer for that.

No, I didn't want to go to prom to start with, but to go to prom with the most beautiful girl. I wanted to take you. I would have even bought a dress if you wanted me to wear one. I wanted to go with the person that I've been with for almost a year. To have yet another first experience together add to our list. It broke me so much when you took Finn. It broke me so much inside. It hurt a little more to why you couldn't understand. Prom was huge, and one is suppose to spend it with the people they love. I wanted to spend with you so badly. To be the one you dance with. No, I'm not much of a dancer, but I would have dance with you all night. God, how I wanted that to be me. Maybe it was my fault for not explain that, and I'm sorry.

That's all I really want to say. I guess this is goodbye Rachel. Once again I will always love you. You will always have a place in my heart. I never regret being with you, only regret losing you.

-Quinn


End file.
